


Down the Rabbit hole

by KingSmaug



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Blood and Gore, Drug Use, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multi, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24761197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingSmaug/pseuds/KingSmaug
Summary: June Monroe had told herself when she was young that no matter what, she would not follow her mother down the rabbit hole of chaos and madness. she was going to graduate and go to college and make something of herself. She refused to let her demons take over and rule her life, she was determined to make a name for herself. But little did she know, that in fact, she would follow her mother's steps down the dark abyss when young mysterious Gracen Kentwood appears in her life. That one little interaction with him would suddenly turn her world upside down and before she knew it, she was thrown into the world of chaos, drugs, and murder. June doesn't know it yet, but her senior year, her plans to get out of her small hometown and start anew would be destroyed before it can even take place. All because she had fallen in love with the devil.





	1. The Prolouge

“We all go a little mad sometimes,”

“Is that so?”

“Mhm, especially when we’re in love”

That conversation was the start of my undoing. It was that conversation that led me down a rabbit hole of chaos, paranoia, and death. It’s all I can remember... From those days during my last year at Port Kinglsey High. Now that I think about it, it was that year where my whole life changed, and unfortunately, I can't say if it was for the best or the worst. I really don't try to think about it much, but it's hard.

I did so many terrible things because I thought I was in love... Now that I think about it... It wasn't even close to love it was... It was infatuation... A deadly and chaotic infatuation. One that cost one of my best friend’s lives... One that cost my sanity... It still haunts my dreams... Those eyes... Still, haunt me to this day. Jacob tries to help me cope, so does Sage, I know it fucks with them just as much as it does with me... But... I don't think they'll ever understand exactly how terrifying those memories are... They'll never look in the mirror and see their face covered in blood or feel the things I felt during that time frame. 

I remember the day where my life was spun around and flipped upside down. And it was all because of one interaction with the man who would eventually crawl into my mind and practically break me only to raise me up and turn me into a monster... His monster

This my dear friends is a story of how one simple girl became a cold-blooded killer... All for the sake of being in love with a monster.


	2. Chapter 1

Beep beep beEP BEEP

“Good grief... just... shut up” 

I groggily hissed out as I lifted the comforter off myself. I rubbed my eyes slowly as I let out a groggy yawn. I knew that the alarm sound would be a good idea... But I also didn't think I would wake up with a pounding headache either. I opened my eyes and glanced over at my phone with such intense disgust and hate, I was surprised it didn't burst into flames. From my spot on the bed, I could see a few notifications on the screen but at the moment I wasn't too interested in seeing what exactly they were for, so I turned away and started rolling my shoulders and rotating my neck letting out a sigh when a few faint popping noises made it to my ears. I stood up and walked around the bed to get to the dresser, grabbing clean undergarments, dark jeans, and one of my dad’s old shirts. I walk into the bathroom and close the door behind me. As I set my clothes down, I glanced into the mirror and frowned slightly. My hair was a clusterfuck mess which knowing how thick it was, I was gonna have a hard time trying to brush it out.

“God I hate you so much” I grumbled to my hair as I grabbed the brush and worked on trying to tame my hair. As I finished brushing, I stared into the mirror and sighed softly. Wavy strands of dark reddish-black hair were stuck in the brush but I couldn't care less, I was too tired and too much pain to care about anything at the moment. I leaned over the sink to get a closer look at my face. Cognac colored eyes looked back at me, the slight dark bags under my eyes didn't look all that bad but I knew Sage, Lily and probably even Jacob were gonna bitch at me for not getting much sleep. I rolled my eyes as I leaned back and stripped out of my pj’s and into my outfit for the day. Walking out of the bathroom, my phone started ringing ..loudly I might add. With a groan, I moved over to the nightstand and pulled my phone off the charger, answering it in the progress.

“Hello?”

“Finally you're awake! God, how many times do I have to blow up your phone before you answer it?!”

“Well hello to you too Lily,” I said as I frowned slightly. Of course, Lily would blow up my phone. Out of Sage and Jacob, Lily was the most aggressive one when it came to trying to get my attention. Sage was more polite about it, sending a few texts and probably leaving a voicemail while Jacob would call once or twice before deciding to show up at my house, but Lily was the only one out of the trio who would properly annoy the living hell out of me.

“Yes yes hello to you too June! Now, will you please shut up so I can tell you why I've been trying to call you for the past hour and a half for now?!” Lily’s voice sounded excited and I could practically hear the smile in her voice. I rolled my eyes and looked over at the wall clock that was near my closet door, the time reading ten-thirty. I sat down on my bed, using my shoulder to hold my phone to my ear as I grabbed my boots and started putting them on. 

“Okay Lil, what's so important that you had to blow up my phone for the past hour for?”

“Ah yes! Now you’re asking the right questions! Sage and I along with Jacob are going to the cafe down on Daring St and you gotta be there, we have things to do before the next semester starts. Also, I swear to god if you’re not there within twenty minutes, I'll make your life a living hell” Lily practically demanded on the other line. I had to fight the urge to not groan out loud, but at this point, I knew that no matter what I would try to say to get out of this, she would shoot it down before I could come up with another excuse.

“Alright, alright Lily, I'll be there! I just gotta check up on the old man first,” I answered and before she could say anything else, I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up. I unlocked my phone and swiped all the notifications off the screen and locked it again. Grabbing my bag, I threw my lighter and cigarettes along with my headphones in the bag. Making sure I had everything, I slipped on my mom’s bomber jacket and left the room. Walking down the stairs and making my way into the hallway, I could hear noises coming from the kitchen so I slowed down and leaned on the wall. 

“It's good to see you out of bed, little one.” My father had mumbled out. I sighed as I strolled into the kitchen. Moving over to where he was sitting, I placed a kiss on his head and by doing so, I could hear a small sigh of content. 

“I could say the same thing to you too, old man,” I joked lightly as I sat down across from him. He looked up at me and I could see how tired he was, his eyes weren't bright and full of color anymore, they were a dull cognac. The five o’clock shadow was getting pretty bad, his hair was unkempt salt and pepper mess. Seeing him like this honestly made my heart clench in my chest. This wasn't the same man I knew growing up, but things weren’t the same as they were in the past.

“You know for a forty-year-old you look like shit,” I said as I leaned back in the seat. A low rumbling chuckle echoed in the empty kitchen and for a moment I actually smiled a little. 

“For an eighteen-year-old, you also look like shit kiddo,” He said as he smiled softly. I laughed a little, shaking my head at his comment. 

“Alright you got me there, You win this round Dad, but uh do you need anything?” I asked as I looked down at my watch. I had about ten minutes to get to the cafe before Lily threw a fit. I could hear him clearing his throat and I glanced up giving him a soft smile.

“No, but thanks for asking honey, I think I’ll be okay for a few hours. Are you going out?” He was changing the subject, something he did a lot whenever I asked him if he needed something or if he was okay. He’s been doing this for a while now, and the horrible part about it was that I knew exactly why, yet there wasn't anything I could do to help him. 

“Yeah, Lily and others want to start getting ready for the next semester ya know? I guess they’re meeting up at Joe’s” I said softly as I stood up grabbing my bag. He looked up and gave me a smile, it was faked and we both knew it but neither one of us was gonna say anything about it. Before I could say anything else, he stands up and walks past me, patting me on the shoulder.

“You go have fun love, just call me if you’re going to be late,” He said as he leaned over and kissed my head, and with that I watched him walk down the hall and hear his soft footsteps going up to his room where the soft thud of his bedroom door closing behind him. I looked over at the fridge and noticed a small note. Walking over and pulling it off, I read what it said.

Visitation times - 7pm to 9pm  
Monday-Friday  
Make sure not to be late.

Taking another look behind me, I sighed softly and placed the sticky note back and without another thought, I walked out the door. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“There you are! And you’re late!” Lily’s said as I walked through the doors of Joe’s. I rolled my eyes as I walked to the back booth where everyone was at. Nodding my head, I sat down and tried to smile. I took out my phone and sent a quick text to the old man, letting him know I made it there.

“Sorry I'm late, I told you I had to check on the old man before I left,” I grumbled as I looked over at Lily. Lily’s emerald green eyes glared back at me. Her pale pinkish-blue hair was put into a messy bun, a soft colored scrunchie holding it together, which oddly matched the dark red tank top she was wearing... But then again this was Lily and the only thing she would willingly wear was soft colors and "adorable jewelry"

“Well fine but now that you’re here, we can finally talk about what our plans are for this year,” Lily said as she pulled out her binder from her bag. I nodded as I looked over at Sage who at the moment had her nose in a book. 

“Lil you actually can’t be serious right now, Can’t we just enjoy our senior year in peace?” Jacob groaned as he focused his marble grey eyes on Lily with pure annoyance. Lily narrowed her eyes at Jacob and stuck out her tongue in a childlike manner before turning to Sage.

“Sage please back me up here!” Lily cried childishly. 

“Unfortunately Lily, I have to agree with Jacob on this one. It's our senior year, we should be able to enjoy it but then again,” Sage had set her book down and gave Jacob a look, her soft brown eyes bright under the dim lights in the cafe, “Lily is also right. We should try and start applying to colleges before the year is over” Sage finished, pushing her glasses back up. She leaned on her hand looking just as bored as I probably did, I let out a chuckle as I watched Lily and Jacob bicker back and forth with each other.

“Okay you, two knock it off,” I snapped softly, both teens gave each other one more dirty look before they turned their attention back on me, “Now Lily what exactly are you wanting to do and speak fast before I lose my patience and leave.”

“Fine, fine!” Lily pouted as she opened up her binder and stopped at a clean empty page, “We should set goals for ourselves! Like what we want to have accomplished before the end of the year,” Lily explained as she pulled a blue pen.

“Well I already know I want to at least apply to three colleges before I graduate,” Sage said as she turned the page of the novel she was reading. Lily nodded as she wrote that down on paper. She then looked at Jacob waiting for his response.

“Well.. uh, I guess I can say that I want to at least pass all of my classes, especially math because that damn subject is gonna be the undoing of whatever sanity I have left,” Jacob mentioned as he sat up in his seat, crossing his arms in the process. 

“I thought your goal would be to finally get a girlfriend but that works too honey,” Lily mocked as she was writing, this had caused Jacob’s face to slightly turning pink. I tried to hold in a snort, but unfortunately for me, that didn't go over very well and he shot me a dirty look as he playfully smacked my arm. And at that point, I had tried covering my mouth with my hand, but I couldn't stop myself from laughing even more. I glance over to Jacob, who was now crossing his arms over his chest, in a dorky manner, making a face which just causes me to laugh even harder. 

“Alright love birds, knock it off,” Lily simpered as she gave me a small smirk, I rolled my eyes and in the process, I missed the look on Jacob’s face, “Now June, what are your goals for this year?” Lily had finished saying as she looked back down at the paper.

“I don't really have any Lily," I said off-handly as I checked my phone I frowned softly as I realized that my dad still hadn’t responded to my text. 

‘He's probably on the phone with her..`` I thought as I sighed and locked my phone again. The sound of someone clearing their throat had caused me to look up. 

"June..” Sage said as she gave me a pointed look. I looked from Sage to Lily and then to Jacob only to notice that they were all giving me the same look. I frowned deeply as I looked between the three of them.

“What? I don't see any problem, I've been doing pretty well without a plan so far, why start now” I grunted out as I tapped my finger against the table.

“Yeah, that's the problem, June. You don't make plans and that's why you end up doing something stupid and half of the time you end up getting hurt badly," Sage said sharply but her eyes were soft as she spoke to me. I could see that Lilly and Jacob were also trying to hold back from showing any emotion on their faces but their eyes gave them away in a heartbeat. I looked down at the table and bit the inside of my lip, trying not to snap at them. I mean they were right and I honestly hated it. I mentally roll my eyes, but I let a goofy grin grace my lips and let out a soft chuckle. 

“Okay okay, but serious question though,” I said, placing my hands behind my head and slightly leaning into the booth, gaining the attention of the trio, “Are we just gonna sit here or are we gonna order, because I'm starving. ”I said comically, trying to ease my friends and the weight of guilt off my shoulders. I smiled as I watched their faces soften. Everyone looked through their menus as I slid out of the booth, I grabbed my cigarettes and stood up. 

“I’ll be right back, I'm going to have a smoke before I eat,” I said as I walked towards the door. Lily had waved her hand as a sign that she heard but I had already walked out. Standing in front of the cafe, as I try to light my cigarette, my phone starts to ring, without looking at the caller ID, I answer.

“Hello?” I said as I placed the cigarette in my mouth, using my other hand I lit it.

“Hey, Junebug,” 

I took a deep breath in and for a small moment my heart stopped, everything seemed to slow down. 

“Hey, Mama.,” I said as I took a puff on my cig. ‘God she sounds so much better,’ I thought.

“Your dad told me you were out with some friends, I hope I’m not bothering you,” She said softly, I could hear the hesitation in her voice and I bit down on my bottom lip.

“Oh of course you’re not Mama! I think they can live without me for a few moments,” I said as I took a drag off my cigarette. I could hear a soft airy chuckle leave her lips.

“So how's my little Junebug doing then? I heard you’re finally gonna graduate this year,” Mom said softly. I smiled as I imagined her face at the moment. I could see her light blue eyes twinkle a little and how her slightly plump lips pulled into a soft smile, she probably had her ebony hair pulled up into a bun and knowing her, a few strands of hair were left out and fell around her face. For a few seconds, it felt like she was right in front of me but before I could fully grasp that idea, it quickly left as it came.

“Yeah, surprising isn't Ma? I’m so close to being done, just to go back to school for another four years,” I joked lightly which earned a small giggle from my mother. 

“It's not surprising at all, I knew you would graduate and I know for certain that you’ll get into any college you want to. You've always been a smart girl, even when you were little.” She said proudly over the phone. I could hear how proud she was of me, through the tone of her voice and for the simple fact, she would always brag about me and my intellect to the others whenever Dad and I decided to visit. She would call me her ‘smart little Junebug’ whenever she described me to her friends or to anyone who would actually listen.

“And that's only because of you and dad, Ma. Without you two, I wouldn't be where I am today.” I said softly, but before I realized what I had said, I could hear an awkward cough from the other side of the line.

“Ma? Are you okay?” I asked as I put my cigarette out on the wall next to me.

“Oh yes, I'm fine baby, but my time is up and I have to go to a group soon so I have to go. But remember I'll call you later tonight okay?” She said as I could hear voices in the background. I nodded even though I knew she couldn’t see me. 

“Alright, Mama… I’ll talk to you soon.. and .. I love you,” I softly said to her. I could hear her take a soft breath, but what made it so much harder for me was her response. 

“Oh Junebug, I love you too, forever and a day” and with that, the call ends. 

I pulled the phone away from my ear and placed it in my pocket. I run my hands down my face as I try to hold back the tears that were threatening to breakthrough. 

“Come on, keep it together!” I grumbled under my breath as I covered my face with my hands. I knew getting worked up about this was pointless, but just hearing her voice, hearing how much better she sounds hits a chord within my heart. It made me happy but fuck it made me so mad, so mad that it actually scared me. I shouldn’t feel that way not when I know this was the only way for her to get better and stay better.. But it wasn’t fair... 

I pulled out another cigarette and lit it. Taking a large drag, I could feel the air in my lungs burn from the toxic fumes which were more welcoming than the flood of tears that were burning my eyes and the scream that was stuck in my throat.

“June?” 

I glance over to my left and see Jacob walking over. Before I could say anything, He pulls me into a warm hug and held me tight against his chest. Unfortunately, this is what broke the mask I was trying to put up before I went back into the cafe. I clenched my eyes closed and grabbed a fist full of his shirt. I could feel my head become light and airy as warm salty tears streamed down my face. 

“I’m sorry” I whispered as I pulled away. I used the hand that wasn't holding the lit cigarette and wiped my face, trying to get rid of the evidence of my break down. I could hear Jacob clear his throat, making me look up at him. He shakes his head and takes the cigarette out of my hand, taking a drag from it.

“Don't apologize, How’s momma bear doing?” He asked I would’ve asked him why he asked but it would be stupid to do so. Jacob has been my friend since elementary school. He's been by my side through thick and thin, He was there the day she broke down, and he was there the day she left, holding my hand the entire time. 

“She's doing great, I mean that's what it sounds like on the phone,” I said as I took another drag, Jacob nodded his head, as he stood next to me on the wall. 

“Did the girls send you out here to find me?” I asked as I leaned my head on his shoulder, Jacob grunted a bit before he gracely took the cigarette, taking a small drag off of it.

“Yeah, Mostly Sage was wondering, Lily was too busy flirting with the new waiter Jordan to notice you were gone longer than normal,” He answered as he handed the cigarette back. I nodded as I took another drag. 

“You wanna get out of here?” 

I looked over at Jacob and for the first time since he's been out here, I noticed that he had my bag on his shoulder. 

“Yeah, but what abo-” I began to say but he held his hand up and while he used his other hand to dig out his keys from his leather jacket pocket. He hands me the keys and my bag giving me a small wink and a smile.

“Don't worry about the girls, Sage will understand and Lily will too once she gets over her little fit, just go unlock the car and I'll be there soon.” He said as he turned around and walked back into the cafe. I sighed as I walked over to where he parked his convertible mustang. Taking his keys, I unlock the passenger door and throw my bag into the back before sliding into the car. 

“God, his car smells great,'' I thought, as the scent of cinnamon and that earthy cologne he wears made it to my nose. 

“Man, I really have to steal his cologne,” I said as I looked around to find it, I knew he kept it in the car for multiple reasons, one being because he smokes, but the sound of the driver door opening had caused me to stop in mid search. 

“Are you still trying to find my cologne?” He jokingly asked as he led out his hand for the keys. With a playful glare, I hand him the keys and sit back in the seat, crossing my arms.

“And what if I am? Are you gonna stop me?” I simpered softly. This causes him to laugh loudly almost comically in a way. I couldn’t help but smile and laugh along with him as he put the keys in and started the car.

“Nah but if you behave, maybe I’ll let you borrow it sometime,” He said as he glanced over at me, giving me a cheeky smile and wink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here i am working on another story when I shouldn't be because I have forty others I should be working on. but has that ever stopped us writers?  
> Nope.. it never has.


	3. Chapter 2

“Thanks again Jacob, I really needed that,” I said as Jacob pulled into the driveway in front of the house. He stops the car and gives me a soft smile.

“Hey, you don’t have to thank me kiddo,” He said as he turned the car off. I glanced at my phone and noticed the time, in bold font the time ten-thirty shines in the darkness. I sigh softly as I also notice a text or two from Sage and Lily. Jacob also notices this and chuckles softly.

“Dude, don’t even worry about them for the moment. I mean school starts tomorrow so you can tell them whatever you want when you see them in the morning. Oh, that reminds me,” He says as he pulls out a cigarette from the pack that was sitting in one of the cup holders, “ What time do you want me to come to pick you up?” He asks as he looks at me. I take a moment to think about it, trying to figure out how early I wanna wake up tomorrow for school but then again if I had my way about it, I’d just stay home and sleep.

"It depends on what time you're willing to get up at," I said as I leaned back in the seat. At this point, I didn't even want to go inside. From my spot, I could see that the master bedroom light was on, meaning that the old man was probably hiding in his room, hiding from the world... from me. 

“Anything after three is fine with me,” Jacob’s voice had made me look over at him as he lit his cigarette in the dark. I nodded my head and pressed my back into the seat, in hopes that I could fuse into it, maybe even fade into the material altogether. 

“You know June, all you have to do is say the word and you can just crash at my place tonight. I highly doubt your dad would mind.” Jacob’s voice was soft this time around. I knew that he could sense my hesitation of going inside and for a moment I could only smile softly. 

“I appreciate that, but I’ll be fine.” I said as I opened the passenger door, making sure I had everything, I looked over at Jacob and gave him a small ghost of a smile before I slid out of the car, “ I’ll be up around four-fifty so if you want to swing by after that let me know okay?” I asked as I closed the car door and leaned on the open window. I could see that he truly didn’t believe me when I said I'd be fine but he never questioned it, instead, he gave me a cheeky grin and a nod.

“Alright Junie, I’ll see you in the morning~,” He says, almost in a purr, which caused me to roll my eyes but return his smile with one of my own. I stood there as I watched him pull out of the driveway and disappear into the late night. Letting out a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding, I turned on my heel and jogged up the steps towards the back door. Pulling my keys out of my bag and trying my best to be quiet, I unlocked the door and slipped in, silently shutting it behind me. I walked into the kitchen and noticed that there was a note on the table, picking it up and I leaned back on the counter and read it.

If you’re hungry, there are leftovers in the fridge  
Make sure you don’t stay up too late since you got school tomorrow   
Sleep tight and sweet dreams   
Love dad 

I smiled softly as I placed the note in my pocket and made my way up the stairs. Sneaking quietly past the old man’s bedroom, I could hear the faint snoring, which caused a soft sigh to leave my lips. 

“Finally he’s getting some sleep,” I thought as I made it towards my bedroom. Opening the door and shutting it quietly behind me, I toss my bag next to my desk and trudge toward my bed, flopping down face first. I forced myself to sit up and for a moment, I could breathe for what felt like the first time in months. I ran my hand down my face and tried to refocus my mind on getting ready for bed. It was late and I had to force myself to wake up in the morning but the raging thoughts and emotions I’ve been bottling up all summer long had kept my mind racing and pacing. Shaking my head and pressing my lips in a firm line, I stood up and grabbed a baggy shirt and shorts then made my way to the bathroom. 

“Alright, I need sleep,” I muttered to myself as I shut the bathroom light off and dragged myself back to my bed. Laying down and wrapping the comforter around my body, I tried to relax. I rolled over onto my back and closed my eyes shut, hoping that sleep would come and for once I could sleep through the night without any interruptions. But unfortunately, things never did work out in my favor… they never did. 

________________________________________

"Momma? What’s going on? Why are you hiding in the closet?”

“June… they’re everywhere… don’t trust the shadows…. Never trust the shadows..”

“What shadows Momma? Wait Momma what are you doing?”

“I have to protect you from the shadows Junebug…. Please forgive me..” 

Sitting up drenched in a cold sweat and heart beating violently, the deep scar on my chest burns at the fading nightmare. I glanced around the room and visibly relaxed into my pillows. I ran a hand through my hair as I grabbed my phone checking the time. Realizing it was only three in the morning, I groaned, pressing a pillow into my face. 

"Great... What a wonderful way to start my morning" I moaned as I removed the pillow. Silently cursing myself, I slowly remove the comforter off me and stand up. Stretching my sleep-worn limbs, I move towards the dresser grabbing a faded Black Sabbath T-shirt, bleached wash jeans, and clean undergarments. 

"At this point, I might as well take a shower and get ready," I said out loud to myself. The silence of the morning was eerie and thick, it was almost unbearable but in the end, this was my normal. No longer did I wake up to pots and pans banging slightly downstairs, or mom singing while making breakfast. She was no longer here to make sure dad and I were up and ready for the day. No, it was just the two of us and probably stay that way for more years to come. Walking toward the bathroom, my phone makes a small dinging noise and that causes me to halt my movement. 

“Who the hell is up at this time?” I mumbled to myself, disregarding the very fact I was up this early in the morning. Grabbing my phone and swiping the screen, I felt a frown slowly work its way to my face as I read the email from my principal. 

Nickolas, 

I don't know if you've gotten my previous emails about your daughter but hopefully, by now you've already talked to her about these countless incidents she's had all three years at school. She's a brilliant kid, a natural-born leader, quick on her feet, and can solve any problem thrown her way. With her excelling in all her classes, her GPA is 3.7. If she wanted to, she could apply to every college in this state and probably more, and get letters of approval from every single one of them. But Nick, she's a delinquent. I'm sad to say that she's a wild child out of control. She comes to class high... She questions authority, causing problems with other students, usually ones who bring up Lorelei... Nick, you gotta get through to her because she's on a destructive path and I'm afraid she'll eventually get hurt because of this. I've done the best I can to try to convince the board not to expel her so far, but I can't keep covering up for her, if she doesn't fix her attitude and follow the rules, her senior year here at Port Kinsley High is done with.

Sincerely, Rachel Adams

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I snarled as I reread the email again. Why was I not surprised? I've read more emails like this one more time than I like to admit. I thought and actually hoped, I could fly by this year without a worry, but now I have to play smart and keep off the radar until graduation. Then I'll be in college and far away from this hellhole of a town. 

"Thank god I gave her mine instead of dad's," I thought to myself as I sat down on the edge of my bed. I tossed the phone gently to the side, letting both my hands cover my face. 

"I don't have time for this shit right now," I muttered as I pressed my hands into my face. My heart was racing fast, for a moment I thought it was going to implode. 

"I need to calm down, I don't need to be having a panic attack at three o’clock in the morning," I thought bitterly to myself as I let my hands fall from my face and onto my lap for a slip second before moving them towards the nightstand. Opening it quickly I pull an old pack of cigarettes out from the bottom drawer. Looking into the empty pack, my heart stops. 

"Fuck!" I hissed softly throwing the empty pack back into the drawer and slamming it shut, "How the hell am I out already?" I asked bitterly before remembering all the times when I got little to no sleep, all the dangerous thoughts and nightmares I’ve had that kept me in a constant state of anxiety and anger it was the only thing that helped me sleep at this point, the only thing that helps with a lot of shit I've had to deal with these past few years. But at this moment when I needed it the most... I was out. 

"Great. This is going to be hell today, isn't it?.... I could always ask Jacob for more when he picks me up" I thought as I leaned back to grab my phone, swiping the Gmail app, I pulled up my SMS, and clicked the name 'baby gremlin' I quickly typed a message. 

Hey, are you awake yet???   
Sent

I sigh as I sat up and set my phone on the nightstand. I laid back down, my breath harsh and quick. My head was pounding and for a moment I believed that my head was going to explode from the amount of pressure. It also didn't help that the scar was throbbing and painful against the material shirt I was wearing. 

Ding

I glanced over to see that Jacob had texted back. Grabbing my phone, I tap the notification and read his text. 

Holy shit look who decided to join us early birds lol

Before I could type out a reply, another text came through. 

You wanna get coffee? I'll pay :)

I look at the text and feel my heart start to slowly return to its natural beat, a small smile crawling its way across my face. Leave it to Jacob to make me feel better. Half of the time he doesn't even realize he does it. 

Even if you weren't paying for it, I'd still go. Don't act like you're special :p 

I type out, chuckling a bit to myself as I set my phone down and took a deep breath, in hopes I could calm my nerves before he could get here. A soft ding catches my attention making me grab my phone. 

You're a meanie :( but you know you love me :3

Be there in five minutes dweeb

I shook my head laughing softly as I sent my phone down and got up, grabbing my clothes off the bed while making my way to the bathroom, this time I felt a little better... I wonder how long that will last. 

After getting dressed and ready for the long day ahead of me, I look over at my phone and noticed Jacob had sent me another text.

I’m here, are you coming out?  
Delivered

Yeah give me a second alright  
Sent

Locking my phone, I shove it in my pocket and grab my backpack, slinging it over my shoulder. Double checking that I had everything, I quietly shut my bedroom door behind me and sneak my way downstairs doing my best to make sure I didn’t wake the old man up in the process. It was still too early for him to be up and knowing that he already has trouble with sleeping, I wanted to make sure he got a few more hours in before I call him later to wake him up for work. Shutting the back door quietly, I race down the driveway and make my way towards Jacob’s old 1967 ford mustang. Opening the car door, I could already smell the sweetness of his cologne and the musty smell of the cannabis that lingered on him.

“Jesus Jacob, it’s not even five in the morning yet and you’re already stoned?” I asked as I pull the seatbelt across my chest and click it in place. Jacob gives me a cheeky grin and rolls his eyes as he puts the car in reserve and backs out of the driveway and into the road, then shifting into drive. 

“Oi! I'll let you know I didn't smoke before getting in this car, but I do have it in my pocket though. It's for later but that's beside the point.” He said as he drove down the quiet streets. Nodding my head, I quickly go through my bag and pull out the pack of menthol cigarettes. Lighting the cigarette, I glance over at him, trying to figure out how the hell I was gonna tell him that I needed more.

“Anyways how about instead of attacking me for my poor life choices, we talk about you, for instance, how did you sleep?” He asked as he took a left turn. I silently cursed myself as I took a puff off my cigarette. I didn’t want to have this talk, not right now at least. It was way too early to try to explain that yet again, I got crap for sleep, and that today was going to end up being quite shit. 

“I slept well enough if that counts for anything,” I answered as I looked out the window, I refused to meet his eye because then it would have been pointless to lie in the first place. I could hear him let out a soft almost disappointing sigh as he made another turn. 

“You know, for someone who likes to lie a lot, you really do suck at it. I think you should find a new hobby.” His voice was soft but it was sharp. I bit down on my bottom lip trying to hold back a snarky remark to his statement but in the end, could I really be mad at him? He wasn’t wrong when he said what he did however I wasn’t going to try to correct him at this point... I was too exhausted to do so. 

“Well, what about you then? How’d you sleep you twink?” I said in hopes that I could remove the attention off me and onto him. 

"Twink? Did you just seriously call me a twink?" The fake shock in his voice caused me to snicker. 

"Maybe I did? What are you gonna do about it punk?" I said, trying to keep my voice tough and muscular as best as I could as Jacob snorts loudly trying to hold in his laughter. 

"Remind me why I'm friends with you, because my god June, you're literally a goblin!" Jacob snickers as he pulls up to Joe's. 

"Because I'm amazing and you love me~" I cooed as I leaned on his shoulder, trying to give him my infamous puppy dog eyes. Jacob looks down at me, and for a moment in those deep grey eyes, I could truly see why I fell so hard for him... My eyes wide in shock as I felt a deep warmth flush my body and rush to my cheeks. Moving quickly away from him, I gave him the best smile I could while trying to wrest away the deep blush coloring my face. 

"Yeah, you got a pretty good point there Junie." The small shy smile on his face did nothing to help my already racing heart nor did it help when he shot me a wink before getting out of the car. Quickly following after him, I grumble under my breath. 

"Cheeky Lil bastard" I grumbled at him as we walked into the coffee shop. At this Jacob chuckles a bit before nudging my shoulder with his. 

"Oh you know love me~ just admit it already," He says as he sits down in our usual booth. Sliding across him, I roll my eyes playfully. 

"Not gonna happen buster," I said as I stuck my tongue out at him. At this he just shakes his head, trying to hide the ever-growing smile on his face. 

While his attention was turned elsewhere, I risked another chance to once again take in the details of his face. The lighting in the café wasn't the best, the brightest thing in here was the color of Jacob's eyes. Marble grey eyes stood out like small soft stars in the muted colored walls of the coffee shop. Nervously glancing at his lips, I couldn't help but let my own lips raise up in a small smile. There was that warm smile graced on his face. The corners of his mouth lifted into a large grin. Soft creases of the laugh lines and deep dimples made my heart skip a beat. But the next thing I know I see that his lips were moving. Snapping out of my dreamy trace and glancing up to meet his gaze, I realized that he'd stopped talking and sat there watching me with a soft look. 

"You know when you look at me like that, it's hard not to kiss you," He said softly, almost whispering. I felt my heart start to race, the air in my lungs ripped out of me. My head spun and I felt like this was my 'spark' moment, like the one mom told me about when she met dad. Suddenly everything stopped. My heart dropped at the thought of my mom, dark horrible memories crash in like raging waves of a hurricane. Clearing my throat, I noticed Jacob tense for a second or so before relaxing a bit. I couldn't see his eyes so I turned my attention towards the waitress. Forcing a happy smile I meet the gaze of Rue. She was one of the girls I worked with. She was a pretty redhead, soft cupid's bow-shaped lips and an hourglass shape to her body. Rue was the girl next door and this brought a lot of male customers to the shop. In a way, it was good for business but it was funny as hell watching the dreams of many young males fall apart when she opens her mouth. 

"Well hey there Slim Jim, Gremlin, what can I get ya this morning?" Rue's voice even fit the stereotype of the innocent shy girls, it was soft and airy. In a way most men and even women would swoon, the only thing that shocked them about her was her fiery attitude and inappropriate language. I roll my eyes but return her smile with a genuine one of my own. 

"Good morning to you too Rue, and I'll have a peppermint hot chocolate and a chocolate chip muffin, please. Jacob do you know what you want?" I finally turned my attention back to him, a part of me hoping that this time I wouldn't have to see the hurt in his eyes. Thankfully he smiled at me then turned his gaze to Rue. 

"Yeah, can I have a black coffee and blueberry muffin please?" He said as he pulled out his wallet before I could say anything. 

"Jacob let me pay, it's the least I can do!" I quickly said as I went fishing for my wallet in my bag. At this Jacob gives out a chuckle and waves his other hand. 

"I told you, I'd pay didn't I?" He turns his gaze to me and smirks a bit, " I mean what kind of gentleman would I be if I let the pretty girl pay for the date?" He says as he tries to hide the cheeky grin that’s trying to break out but the sudden noise of Rue's snort and coughs to hold back the laughter she was trying to contain. I roll my eyes and send a heated glare at Rue who was at the moment wiping the tears away from her eyes. 

"A blind gentleman that's for sure" Rue snickered as she wrote down the order before walking away from our booth. As she walked away and towards another table, I let out an annoyed sigh. 

"God she's such a bitch sometimes," I grumble out, turning my face towards Jacob. He was chuckling a bit but shrugged his shoulders. 

"Yeah but you have to admit she's just a babe. It's hard to stay mad at her when she looks so adorable" He said while laughing. I narrowed my eyes as I realized he was using the same words I used when I first talked about her to the gang after working with her during the night shifts. 

“ Don’t you dare use my own words against me!” I whined as I leaned over to playfully smack his shoulder. Jacob just chuckles and shakes his head at me. 

“So June, are you ready to deal with the horrible teenage melodrama that is highschool?” Jacob asks as we wait for our drinks. I sigh dramatically as I lay my head on my arms. 

“God no, but I really don't have a choice in the matter, do I? Oh, that reminds me.” I quickly pull my phone out and go through my emails. After clicking the recent one, I hand my phone over to Jacob.

“Guess who tried to send another email to my dad,” I said as I watched Jacob read through the email. 

I watched as Jacob’s lips slowly turned into a firm line and as his eyes scanned over the screen.

“Jesus, She’s really persistent, isn't she? I mean I have to give her credit though.” Jacob says as he hands me back my phone. at the comment, I narrow my eyes at him. 

“Why would you want to give her credit for trying to make things worse?” I knew my tone was sharp and on the defensive side but the last thing I needed was one of my best friends to side with her. 

“Because she’s actually trying to save you from the destructive bullshit you constantly do, I mean that’s the only reason why you’re getting so worked up about this is that you know damn well that she’s kinda right here. June I really think you should talk to her, maybe then you’ll have someone else to talk to since you seem to refuse to talk to your dad about anything and since your mo-.” Jacob’s voice became soft as the last of the words left his lips. 

“Don’t bring my mom into this Jacob, don’t you fucking dare.” I snapped as I noticed Rue had made her way back to our table with our drinks and muffin in hand. She quickly glanced between the two of us and gave me a small wink.

“June, the boss wants to talk to you about the schedule since you’re starting up school again. So why don’t you head over to his office.” She said as she placed Jacob’s food and drink down. Jacob looked over at me before speaking up.

“You want me to wait for you?” He asked as he grabbed his drink and muffin but before I could say anything Rue spoke up for me.

“Actually Slim Jim, I don't know how long it's gonna take for her and boss man to find a compromise so don’t worry, I’ll give her a ride,” Rue said.

Jacob looked between the two of us before letting his eyes rest on me. 

“Just go Jacob, I’ll find you after the first period. Tell Lilly and Sage that I’ll see them later.” I said while trying my hardest to keep the edge out of my voice. I could see Jacob bite down on his bottom lip before letting out a sigh.

“Alright, just text me when you get there okay? I’ll see you later. Bye Rue.” and with that I watched Jacob leave the diner. As soon as he was out of sight, Rue let out a small chuckle.

“So Tony wants to see me?” I said as I grabbed my backpack and stood up but once Rue started to laugh, I furrow my brows and give her a questioning look.

“Actually Tony doesn’t want to see you, I made it up because I could feel the tension from the counter. You wanna smoke before I take you to school?” Rue asked as we walked towards the breakroom. Leaning against the wall and waiting for her to change out of her uniform, I let out a tired sigh before responding to her. 

“Actually I would rather smoke a joint but I won’t say no to a free cigarette.” I simmered softly. Rue glances behind her to look at me and shakes her head.

“Good thing I rolled one last night. Come on we’ll go smoke this thing in the back.” She said as she grabs her things and leaves the small room. I follow after her, nodding to Anthony the fry cook who was coming on for his shift. As we leave out through the back door, I couldn’t help but ask.

“I didn’t know you smoked, I thought you didn’t like drugs?” I asked as I sat down on one of the empty crates that sat by the large dumpster. Rue shoots me a glance and rolls her eyes. While pulling the medium-sized joint out of her purse along with a hello kitty-themed lighter, Rue finally decides to answer my question.  
“You’re correct to a certain degree. I don’t like hard drugs. And you would have known if you asked dumbass. I only smoke because it helps with my depression.” She says as she lights it and takes a few hits off of it. I nod as I take the joint from her outstretched hand. Taking a few large hits, I pass it back. Feeling the smoke swirl around and burn my lungs, I finally felt at peace, I felt the world slow down and blur my vision. I take another deep breath before letting it out. Watching the smoke float towards the early morning sky, I close my eyes and let the chemicals change and rearrange in my system giving me a sense of comfort. 

“So June… how are you holding up?” Rue’s voice had brought me back down to earth which, to say the least, was slightly annoying but I wasn’t going to hold it against her. She’s just like the rest of the people in my life who were always asking the same question. Always worried about me, honestly, it felt like everyone believed that I was a fragile china doll, one wrong word or action, I would break and crack. Unlike with my friends, I could lie to Rue and others with ease and not have to worry about them reading too deep into my answers or mannerism. For the time being the mask I had perfected finally came in handy. 

“Heh, aw Rue I didn’t know you cared for me like that. Honestly, I’m touched.” I jokily quip as I take my turn on the joint. From the corner of my eye, I could see Rue roll her eyes at me as she takes the joint out of my hand. 

“Oh shut up! The only reason I’m asking that is cause you look worse than you normally do!” Rue exclaimed as she puffed out her cheeks in a childish pout. I let out a small chuckle as I take the joint and take another hit off of it. 

“Geez, thanks for pointing out the obvious jackass. And I only look like this because I didn’t get my full eight hours of beauty sleep.” I said as Rue finishes off the joint. Rue narrows her baby blue eyes at me, at first I thought she was going to call out my bluff but instead, she starts to rummage around in her purse before pulling out a slightly larger joint. Holding it out for me to take, Rue once again began to speak.

“Here, it looks like you need this more than I do. And don’t worry about paying me back,” she says as I take it gently out of her grasp.

“Thanks, Rue, You have no idea how much I need this.” I quip as I place the joint in my pack of cigarettes. Rue just waves her hand in a manner of “whatever” before she pulls out her car keys. 

“Alright before all the mushy feelings bullshit starts, how about I drop you off at school.” 

“Aye aye captain. Lead the way!” I respond playfully as I follow her to her ford pickup. Rue yet again rolls her eyes at me as she shakes her head at my antics. With her back facing me, I let my mask drop a bit. I knew that having this in my system would give me the boost I needed to keep me functioning for the day but the small voice in the back of my head kept reminding me that no matter how intoxicated I become, the issues at hand would only get worse and that something was brewing off in the distance. 

Now that I think about it... Maybe I should have listened to that annoying little voice…. If I did.. Maybe... Just maybe the events that unfolded would have never happened.


End file.
